Pepper is of No Help
by Jenndude5
Summary: The Avengers, minus Tony get sick. Tony, terrified, hides in the closet and calls Pepper. Because seriously? He has no idea how to take care of sick people.


"Pepper!"

"_Tony, you don't have to yell,"_ Pepper sighed from the other end of the phone.

Tony, who was currently hiding in the hall closet, whined pitifully, "_Pepper, _you have to help me!"

There was another sigh, and Tony heard Pepper tell someone that she needed to take a call, and then the annoyed clicking of heels that were a little too loud to be anything but a warning.

So maybe it wasn't a very good idea to call Pepper while she in the middle of a board meeting…

Then, the ominous clanking stopped, _"Okay Tony, What is so important that it couldn't wait until later?" _Yep, she was definitely annoyed, a lot exasperated, but with a hint of fondness that told Tony he was safe from being killed by a shoe in his sleep.

For now.

"Pepper," Tony said gravely, his voice a lot lower this time, "I need you to come over here, _right now._"

"_Tony-"_

"Pepper this is serious; it's a matter of life and death!"

"What _is, Tony?"_

The billionaire took a deep breath to steel is nerves. This was serious. Pepper needed to know this was serious, or else she will abandon him to his doom.

No pressure.

"Pepper, the Avengers are _sick._" There, he'd said it.

"_What? Are they going to be okay? What's wrong with them? Are _you _okay?" _She rapid-fired her questions, voice laced with worry, and oh, maybe he could have worded that better.

Wincing guiltily, Tony answered "its fine, they're fine, I'm fine, really."

"_Then why did you tell me they were sick!" _

Ohhh, she sounded mad (and relieved, so he might survive this- Maybe.)

"They are!" He defended quickly, but then deflated a little, "They all have the flu..."

There was pause.

"_Tony," _Pepper's voice was eerily quiet, _"Are you telling me that you disrupted an important board meeting, which you promised you wouldn't do, by the way, scared me half to death, making it sound like everyone was _dying, _when they __**only have the flu?**__" _she hissed.

"Well, heheh," Tony laughed nervously. When Pepper remained silent he cleared his throat, "It isn't exactly the flu, per se, y'know, because the flu can't affect Steve or Bruce because Super-soldier, and Thor, apparently, doesn't get sick-"

"Tony,_"_

"Right, right, anyway, some super-villain wannabe decided to try and take out the Avengers –because apparently the other villains wouldn't let him play with them unless he _proved _himself, stupid- and well, I was protected by the armor, the others were not as lucky and got doused in some weird green goop, and we beat the guy (obviously) but now the other Avengers are all sick and Coulson abandoned me for _paperwork, _which should tell you how bad it is (y'know, if Coulson didn't actually _like _paperwork, weirdo) and did I mention this is the first time Thor's been sick? Because let me tell you-"

"_Tony, you're rambling," _Oh, good, the fond exasperation was back.

Safe territory.

"I _know, _it's just, they keep asking for things, and I think Thor might be the worst sick person _ever, _like, maybe even worse than me-"

"_No one is worse than you, Tony."_

"Then he's at least on par with me." Tony conceded. He knew he was terrible. He was just glad he had Pepper (and Rhodey, and Happy, and possibly the Avengers) to be there and take care of him, and maybe he should return the favor, but there were _five of them. _Taking care of one person was hard enough.

He couldn't even take care of himself!

"_Tony, it's no big deal. You fought aliens, you fight super-villains on regular a bases; giving someone a tissue or handing them medication isn't all that hard."_ How could she sound so calm -and patronizing- saying that?

"But what if they ask for soup, or… some other stuff that sick people ask for?" What do sick people ask for? What exactly would they _need_? How was Tony supposed to take care of anyone if he didn't have the slightest clue as to what he was doing? What if someone ran a really high fever, and on that note, what's high for a super-soldier, whose body heat already runs high?

"_If they ask for soup than order it, or better yet, have one of them order it, they're adults Tony. They don't need you to baby them." _Pepper, who seemed oblivious to his panic, answered.

Tony took another deep, _deep, _breath, "Right, adults." He breathed out shakily.

"_That's right Tony –adults. Now I really need to get back to the _important _meeting now, so if that's all Mr. Stark."_

"That'll be all, Miss Potts." Tony bit his lip when the call ended. He was finding it hard to believe that it was as simple as Pepper made it out to be…

"TONY!" Clint's voice echoed from a distance, "I NEED MORE TISSUES!"

Tony squeaked, "Jarvis, call Rhodey!"

**A/N: ****Because I don't see Tony as the 'Mother-hen-let-me-take-care-of-you' type.**

**Requested by RoseJustice, though perhaps not what he/she had in mind.**


End file.
